Note to Self

This is a reminder to myself. To slow down. Or rather, to stay slowed down. Midterm time has been crazy and I have a paper due this Thursday and rehearsal tonight and have to meet with a TF today and also check in with my boss but wait. It occurred to me this morning that all my days at Harvard are going to be like this, more or less. There's something looming at the end of the week, before the golden promise of a weekend that will be filled with catching up and working ahead for another week that will have something looming at the end of it. But I can't keep living for the weekend. We can't, right? Because when we look back on four years, it would be unfortunate to look back on roughly 120 weeks of just waiting for the weekend.

So I was kind of starting to feel "bad" this morning because I woke up an hour and a half late and read a measly 6 pages before scarfing down lunch and heading to a class before which I was supposed to go to office hours that I missed because I slept in. And I was trying to feel really guilty for it, but I just couldn't.

Because I like starting my days off slow. I like postponing the annoyance of my alarm a few times before noticing the light that's trying to flirt with me through my blinds and then heating up a cup of water for my morning coffee and munching on an apple with my bare legs and feet up on my desk as I do my leisurely reading for class. And I like taking a full 45 minutes for the ritual that is brushing my teeth and looking at myself and taking a shower and thinking about working out and listening to music and picking an outfit and playing with my eyelashes. And I like having lunch with people I like before I leave for class, and I honestly can't say I mind being a few minutes late to class either.

I can't say this rhythm is for everyone. There are people who do best when they're running, and I have been one of those people, and sometimes I am. But I can say that if anything about this pace seems appealing to you, it's important to be able to establish it for yourself here, abide by it, and take the initiative to imbue your interactions with it, because it's not something easy to find in college, or even in this decade. But I promise there are people around who can help you find it, who will eat with you for two hours to listen to your worries, who will offer you chocolate when you're having trouble figuring out where to start a paper, who will serenade you when you're stressed, who will make sure your most packed days are also your most fulfilling. At the very least, I will be one of those people.

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Bibliography: this post was inspired by conversations with Skip Rosamilia, Trini Kechkian, and Jisung Park.